Tuesday, 24 May 2016

climbing up the needle

The sun is a light bulb that I am ready to turn off.  It is 34 degrees and I am about to climb the tallest hill in Rarotonga. The feeling inside of me tearing away at all of my good thoughts.
I hear the leaves brushing against other leaves, I see the small flax bush with its small arms ready to slice and cut people with its razor sharp blades. The path is like a piece of paper that has been drawn on with a green crayon but all scrunched up. The roots are slippery like a water slide, one wrong step and I’ll be rolling down the hill like a tennis ball. 

This is not going to end well! I can no longer see Sophia, Theo or Iñaki, they are like sparks shooting up the hill. I keep taking steps on the soft green moss leading up wards. I am only a quarter way up the hill and I'm already regretting putting my hand up for this. 
I keep walking… 
“Ahhhhhhhhhhh!” I hear a scream. I stand still and hope for glory, but the screaming is still happening 
“Ahhhhh, ahhhhhh, ahhhhhhhh!!” Lidia is racing down the hill screaming. Mum asks Lidia to be quiet. 
“What is going on?” I say. I can see mum, she is also standing at the bottom of the hill. A loud buzz sound is coming closer and closer, still Lidia  is is the only one screaming down the hill. I walk down the hill a bit  to see Lydia and ask her “Why were you screaming?” 
“Did you not see the bees swarming us? You were the one standing perfectly” mum said. 

We kept walking down the hill, speechless. We shiver with fear, goose bumps are surrounding our body. When we get to the bottom of the hill we watch out for Sophia, Iñaki and Theo to pop out of the bush where the walk first starts.








In this piece of  writing I was learning to appeal to senses and to build up an emotion. My emotion was supposed to be fear. I was trying to build up the the emotion by using good words from my book called bright sparks book. To appeal to senses I had to use what I see hear felt and smelt and things like that. For example, ‘I see a small flax bush with its small arms ready to slice and cut people with its razor sharp blades’. As well as showing the senses, it also has a emotion to it. My next step is to add full stops in while I am writing. 


1 comment:

  1. I like the part when you say ‘’ the sun is a light bulb’’ for me I sometimes think that as well.
    I love the meterfor ’’ I'll be rowling down the hill like a tennis ball’’ it reminds me of the time when I was at my holiday house and I was throwing a tennis ball for my dog and I almost fell backwards down the hill.

    ReplyDelete